♥Am I Beautiful? Am I Useable?♥

i had a famil emergency and i had court thing for my accidnet im fine now completly healed and doing great.....i have the lawsuit coming up for my accident and im sure to win and get the jerk to pay for what he did so thats why i havent been on i hope you understand why.

I JUST GOT OUT OF SURGERY A BIT AGO, WENT PERFECTLY FINE THE RIBS ARE FIXED AND BACK IN PLACE....IM FEELIN OK DONT HURT TO MUCH THOUGHT I WOULD JUST LET EVERYONE KNOW IM OK NOW....IDK ABOUT THE DRIVER YET BUT MY FRIEND IS STAYING WITH ME TO TAKE CARE OF ME...I HAVE TO SPEND TONIGHT WENDSEDAY NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL I CAN GO HOME 2MORROW

me and my friend a couple hrs ago were on our way to the mall in her car and we were hit by a truck
she is fine, i have a broken arm,concussion and sore ribs....idk if there broken probably are....i ahve to go in the hospital 2morrow to get antoehr x-ray adn what fucking sucks is the driver drove off ater a fucking hit and run asshole....i drove her car cause she was tired and i saw the truck coming and jerked the wheel to take the blow so she wouldnt get hurt...im in so much apin right now!

I feel death pulling on me and telling me to let go, I know my life is hell and I feel pain but I wont die something will help someday,somewhere,somehow to save me...I may not be pretty,smart or great but I know im worth saving, I havent hurt myself the pain I feel inside is bad enough....I see a kind stranger he smiles at me he takes me by the hand tells me he is here to save me, so I smile back he holds me stroking my hair and whispering I love you in my ear as I cry my pain away and happiness takes its place for the first time in my life I dont feel pain the happiness feels more real then the pain had ever felt to me all my life, I thank you kind stranger.

I'm almost dead I know I could make it stop, but yet something is telling me to go on to survive I dont know what or who it is but the voice is comforting so I listen i put the razor down, I start to feel relief I long want to die I want to survive.

I bleed like i breath slowly and painfully, it flows quickly and taking all my life from me leaving me in my own pool of blood smiling as i lay dying, you stare at me and smile as the blood continues to flow I reach out for you to save me but you take a step back I give up i can feel my life slipping away as I close my eyes I smile because im finally dead and at peace.

its a dark and cold, but yet comforting
my life is sad and meaningless, but yet its the happiest i've ever been
everytime i speak i hear words,but you hear nothing
i try told you to know you know im here, but you turn away
my whole life is a dark room,one big dark room,,but all i get to see in my dark world is a candle half it.

 Moving into a room, filled with anger and sorrow.
And my heart fleas from me and moves
Into the dark cold chambers of doubt and fear.
Never to return from the empty abyss,
And the only things in the empty abyss is my darkened heart.
Haunting me with whispers so frail and weak.
And that of which is dark, blinds me from what is real or fake.
Taking a hold of all that is left for me to treasure.
Thinking back on what it was, and now of what it is.
The fire roars my "Hatred"', but the oceans cry my tears.
And the texture of the coffin, awaits my body to lay on it.
The blood and suffering that I’ve been through.
Take me out of the present and put me back in the past.
For those were my only moments I adored.
My skin now cold and pale, my lifeless body lays in the coffin now.
For in the abyss, I ran out of hope, and that hope was my oxygen.

I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
as I lay here on the floor
I have no strength to get up
I'm not worth it any more

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

Life is a prison,
Oh God let me out.
No one to listen,
To hear when you shout.

Climb the walls of insanity,
Ride the waves of despair.
If you fall it don't matter,
There's no one to care.

Used to wish for a window,
To see birds, trees and sky,
But you're better without one -
Stops you aiming too high.

Watching freedom is painful,
For those locked away.
Seeing joy, love and happiness,
Another price that you pay.

Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

Cell walls built by society,
With rules to adhere.
If you breach the acceptable,
You had better beware.

Hide the pain, carry on,
Routine is the key.
Don't let on that you're not,
What you're pretending to be.

Lock it all up inside you,
How badly that bodes.
Look out for that one day,
When it all just explodes.

Leaving naught but a shell,
Base functionality too.
But killing all else,
That was uniquely you.

So how do you grow,
With a timebomb inside?
Or how to defuse it,
Without destroying its ride?

You can't.

A friend is someone we turn to
When our spirits need a lift,
A friend is someone we treasure
For our friendship is a gift,
A friend is someone who fills our lives
With Beauty, Joy, and Grace
And makes the world we live in
A Better and Happier Place.

Are you a FRIEND?